St. Paul's Teen Coffee House, Newport, RI

Last night, my godson Nate took me to see his friends' band, Sideshow. We had a little trouble finding the venue, which turned out to be a church basement on Teen Coffee House night. I pretty much don't care where I am at any given time, but I was pleased that Nate didn't seem to mind being seen with his middle aged godmother in such a setting.

There is something great about seeing a loud band in a basement. In the late 70s, Iggy played the Smart Bar, which is basically the basement of Metro, for five nights straight. It was lovely. I liked being at eye level and only a few feet away from the musicians, and the same was the case with Sideshow. I think Nate wanted me to see a more polished performance, on stage, with proper mikes, etc., but thrash-noise makes me happy any time.

Although evidently not properly miked, I thought the drummer sounded good. The guitarist did some really great death-style screaming. The bass player's uninhibited flailing about provoked more head-combs than an Argentinian tennis player. And the singer called to mind a cross between Tom Verlaine and Richard Hell, only more wholesome. I hope I will get a chance to see them again.

After the show, Nate and I went out for pizza, and on the way some girl shouted, "Butt sex" at us out of the window of a passing car. So much for a teen evening in Newport!

www.myspace.com/sideshowcranston

Free Samples

When I get into a certain mood, I like to look for free samples on the internet. Sometimes the free sample sites make you endure endless solicitations for magazine subscriptions or time shares in Puerta Vallarta before you get to the goods. Usually I ignore these. However, if they only want an an address and a birthdate (I always falsify the birth date) and I am interested in the product, I'll send away for it. I'd like to tell you about three products I found using this method. I love them!

Kerasal: If your heels crack, or you get weird calluses on your feet, (I really hate the cracking heels) a wee bit of this ointment every day will keep the problems under control.

Stopain: Stiff neck? Irritable knees? Good old fashioned lower back pain? Get Stopain, you'll love it. (I like the spray.)

QR Powder: If you cut yourself, sprinkle some of this powder on the wound. The powder will instantly cause the blood to coagulate and form a scar. I've heard from some Iraq war vets that the Army equips them with a powder they dump into wounds to stop bleeding. Do you suppose I'm putting the same stuff on my paper cuts that soldiers use to stop each other from bleeding to death?

http://www.kerasal.com/
http://www.stopain.com/
http://www.biolife.com/

Norman Greenbaum

Recently I attended the funeral of Betty, the mother of my friends Sue and Sandy. It was a very good funeral, and I was struck by the choice of recessional music, a recording of Norman Greenbaum's 1970 hit, "Spirit in the Sky." My late father, who was about the same vintage as Betty and no fan of youth culture, bought the album when it came out, and listened to it frequently.

My father was either an agnostic or an atheist. His father before him, my grandpa, was a vocal non-church goer. In fact, he told me that he attended church only twice in his adult life. The first time, the pew broke when he sat down, and the second time when he emerged from the church he found that his car had been stolen. These may be apocryphal stories, but you get the idea.

I wonder why my dad liked "Spirit in the Sky." Was it the ZZ Top style guitar riffs? Was it the catchy tune? Did he secretly have a friend in Jesus? This is, and shall remain a mystery to me.

I also wonder how someone named Norman Greenbaum came to write a song about Jesus. In the mid 60s, he fronted a band called "Dr. West's Medicine Show and Junk Band." They had a fairly successful single called "The Eggplant that Ate Chicago." In the early 70s, he retired from the music business to devote himself to dairy farming. I'm posting a link to a really cute picture of him with a cow. Also check out this pre-video video: looks like it was directed by Ingmar Bergman on acid.

I have to admit, I kind of like "Spirit in the Sky" too.

www.ask.com/music/artist/Norman-Greenbaum/18016
www.dailymotion.com/video/x2iuqj_norman-greenbaum-spirit-in-the-sky_rss.fun

Christian Tetzlaff

Sunday I went to see the German violinist, Christian Tetzlaff, perform the Bach Sonatas and Partitas for unaccompanied violin. I was childishly pleased when something happened I'd never experienced before: I got a free seat upgrade! With the help of two charming elderly ushers, I moved from my usual seat in the gallery (i.e. the nosebleed seats) to the first balcony. I landed in a small nest of music nerds: men excitedly discussing arcane topics such as what orchestra fired their entire piccolo section, and whether the BBC Classic boxed Rachmaninoff set was superior to the Hyperion records version. One man riffed on the subject of a friend who didn't appreciate the meaning of the trills at the beginning of some Schubert sonata. I mean this shit was esoteric! Oddly, I have eavesdropped on similar discussions about baseball: who was the best American League left fielder of the post-war era, and also martial arts movies: whether Yuen Wah or Yuen Biao was a better stunt double for Bruce Lee (who even knew that Bruce Lee had a stunt double?). I never hear women debating this kind of thing.

But I digress. I think the bravest people in classical music are string players who perform unaccompanied. No one has your back, there's no big piano to hide behind, and you can't use your own voice, only your instrument. Violinists can't even sit down! Also, I love Bach, so I was excited to go to this concert. Since these pieces include what is said to be some of the most difficult music ever written for violin, I can understand why Mr. Tetzlaff took rather lengthy breaks between each piece (there are six in all); but he also took an hour long intermission! This was another first for me, and judging by the perplexed belly-aching by other members of the audience, I wasn't the only one. I had brought a rather thick book, so it was no hardship, but I couldn't help but speculate about what he might be doing during the intermission; deep tissue massage, steak dinner, refreshing sexual activities...

Now that I'm done being a wiseass, I have to say that I have never heard these pieces played so exquisitely before. It was a wonderful experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqOAJpPNqNY

The Neti Pot

Get a neti pot. Use it. The quality of your life will improve.

www.jalanetipot.com

Riot Fest 2009

Went to Metro and saw No Empathy, Rights of the Accused, and Naked Raygun; some Chicago punk bands from the 80s.

I was not familiar with No Empathy, but they put on a good show, and were funny.

Rights of the Accused: Now back in the 80s, this band practiced in the same space as my ex-boyfriend's band; that is a dark warren of rooms over what is now the Cubby Bear at the corner of Addison and Clark. According to local legend, it was the former location of a bordello, which is why the walls were covered in squishy red fabric. In the mid 80s, I saw Rights of the Accused when they opened for the Replacements at the Riviera, which is a rather large venue. The drummer played the entire show stark naked, which was only revealed to the audience (and management) when he scampered off stage at the end of the set before the lights abruptly went down. I can still picture his little white butt. The band tonight was musically relentless and funny as hell. The rather portly lead singer was mesmerizing in a silver pants and jacket ensemble. The act also featured a man in a knee length banana outfit, something I had not seen before. Really enjoyed this band, my favorite of the evening.

Naked Raygun: They were ecstatically received by the crowd; a bit arty for my taste, although their guitarist was really good. They also distinguished themselves by being totally devoid of any visible tatoos.

Also: Haven't been this close to a mosh pit in a while! Got myself wedged between a large man who repelled errant crowd surfers with a single shove of his mighty hand, and a very young and very tiny Asian-American woman. She appeared to know every song by every band, and seemed to enjoy herself in spite of being at crotch level with most of the crowd.

http://www.myspace.com/rightsoftheaccused

Lollapalooza 2009

Had the pleasure of attending Lollapalooza with my godson Nate and his cousin Justin.

Day One

Acts I saw:

Manchester Orchestra: I loved this band! We met them and got their autographs.
Hollywood Holt: More cursing than a Quentin Tarrantino movie.
The Virgins: About what you would expect from an NYC band started by a male model.
STS9: Due to geographical challenges, I watched this band for 15 minutes under the impression they were Ben Folds and marveling about how much weight he had lost.
Asher Roth: The kids made fun of me, but I have to admit I was very entertained by this affable frat boy rapper.
Peter Bjorn and John: Three Swedish guys; the lead singer was wearing white bermuda shorts; looked like he just came in off the golf course; they tore up the stage! I really enjoyed them.
Of Montreal: Mind boggling and eye popping. Amazing.
Kings of Leon: I saw a lot of drunk girls falling in the mud during Kings of Leon.
Crookers: A naked man ran past me during their set. For real!

Other factors:

Rain: persistent. We had to go buy trash bags at CVS. Nate and Justin dressed in them, and I sat on mine.
These young people today: I left the kids alone for a couple of hours and found out later that they spent the time resting!

Day Two

Acts I saw (or not):

Ida Marie: Bjork for the masses.
Atmosphere: I really liked this hip-hop group. The live musicians were great. Plus, the MC reminded me of one of my ex-boyfriends, had the ex-boyfriend been a white rapper from Minneapolis.
Gomez: Enjoyed their set lounging behind the stage near the porta-potties.
No Age: I loooove noise! My favorite of the day.
Glasvegas: Missed my chance to see attractive Scottish people playing music of "great depth and beauty" (NME), because Nate inveigled me into helping him get Coheed and Cambria's autographs. Justin and I sat under a tree conversing while Nate stood in line until Justin was nearly puked on without warning by a drunk girl.
Rise Against: They were good but strangely uncompelling.
Animal Collective: Good music for staring at the sky.
Tool: Tool inspired a lot of horseplay and other male bonding in the crowd. Plus they had some disturbing-ass videos.

Disturbing-ass trends:

Budweiser Lime: Ick!
People spotted texting as they both entered and exited the porta-potties: Created images I would rather not have in my head.
Midsection body fat: One of the primary reasons God commanded Adam and Eve to clothe their nakedness.

Day Three

Acts I saw (or not):

Kaiser Chiefs: British guys. They were good. The lead singer had a really bad sunburn.
Gang Gang Dance: More good staring music.
Vampire Weekend: Cute, funny, and no need for chick back-up singers with those boyish falsettos.
A word:
Lou Reed: It goes without saying that Lou Reed is an iconic figure in rock and roll. I also owe him personally since I have dazzled many a karaoke audience with my rendition of "Walk on the Wild Side." I was lucky to see him in 1977 when he was at his sneering, scowling, swaggering best. I don't want to see him as a grand (or grumpy) old man. So there.
Snoop Dogg: Gave a "special shout out to the sign language ladies" for signing all the curse words in his songs.
Deerhunter: Prefer "fast and loud" to "arty and loud."
Silversun Pickups: They managed to sound both sinister and poppy at the same time.
I planned to see all three of the headline acts:
The Killers: They were very entertaining.
Deadmau5: I never actually saw this DJ who doesn't go out in public without wearing a giant mouse head (gee, what a concept) because
Jane's Addiction: Blew me away; my favorite show of the day. By the way, props to Dave Navarro and Perrry Farrell. No midsection body fat for me to complain about on those guys.

Favorites:
Band: Manchester Orchestra
Food: Lobster Corndogs. Yeah!

Emerging trend:
Sagging tatooed geriatric flesh: It's gonna be here before you know it!

Thanks to Nate and Justin for hanging out with me.

www.themanchesterorchestra.com/us
www.myspace.com/nonoage
www.janesaddiction.com

















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