World of Vomit
WARNING: EXPLICIT MATERIAL OF AN HYGIENIC NATURE! ALL SQUEAMISH PEOPLE, HIT THE ESCAPE BUTTON OR YOUR MIND WILL FILL WITH IMAGES YOU WON'T LIKE!
Emetophobia: Fear of vomit and vomiting. Personally I don't like to vomit, but surrendering to the vagaries of my digestive system, I do it more than the average person, I believe. Nevertheless, there have been landmarks in my relationship with vomit, which I will reveal here.
LANDMARK VOMIT EXPERIENCE ONE: If you've ever used the Chicago Transit Authority, or indeed most public transit, you will be familiar with a common seating configuration. You're next to the window, and a person you've never set eyes on before is sitting next to you on the aisle. I can't tell you how many times I contemplated with dread the idea that the person boxing me in next to the window might start vomiting and I would be trapped against the window by vomit and vomiter. One night I was on the El sitting next to a drunk Loyola student. Luckily we were sitting in the seats facing the aisle, so I wasn't really trapped. Suddenly the student leaned forward and started puking. "It's happening! It's finally happening," I thought, paralysed by the portentousness of the moment. One of the vomiter's drunk friends fortunately broke into my reverie, "Ma'am, you better get up." I hopped up from my seat and happily reflected on the idea that my worst fear had been realized and I had survived. But wait! More to come.
VOMIT ON THE BIG SCREEN
Osaka Tough Guys - Dir: Takeshi Miike - Theme: Regurgitation Kung Fu - Vomiters: Yoshiyuki Omori & Kentaro Nakakuro
LANDMARK VOMIT EXPERIENCE TWO: My friend Tom and I went to the opera. Before the show, we ate at a vegetarian Korean restaurant where I consumed a large and tasty bowl of kim chee fried rice. The opera was The Good Soldier Schweik, written by a Czech composer named Robert Kurka. It didn't take long for me to get pretty annoyed by the opera. Here we had the tedious theme of the person who seems to be crazy, whereas time shows that he is the only sane person around. As someone who has spent more than my share of time in mental hospitals, I have not found this to be a common occurrence and it bothers me in fiction. Anyway, I was getting more and more irritated during this performance, and feeling worse and worse. At intermission I had to tell Tom that I was heading out and didn't feel well. The minute I exited the theater, I felt an overwhelming desire to vomit. Again, I had that primal fear of a long and dreadfully anticipated moment. "It's happening! I'm going to throw up right in the gutter! Everyone will think I'm some pathetic middle aged drunk!" Searching for an escape from the public eye, I staggered off down an alley. Bizarrely, there was some kind of lighting system going that caused lights to light up whenever someone wandered into a dark area. Since I couldn't find a dark space where I could throw up in peace I had to get in the car and drive home to do it in private.
VOMIT ON THE BIG SCREEN
Trainspotting - Dir: Danny Boyle - Theme: Junkie's Lament - Vomiter: Ewan McGregor
WARNING: THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTING PART OF THIS BLOG!
LANDMARK VOMIT EXPERIENCE THREE: I was driving on the Indiana Toll Road to Michigan on a Sunday to see my mother. I was in a not infrequent state of queasiness, so had not consumed anything all day except apple juice. Suddenly I felt the need to vomit! No place to pull over, no place to exit. This was a situation so weird I hadn't even been able to conjure it up in advance to worry that it might happen. While driving at at least 55 MPH I started throwing up with no way to stop or exit. Since my mom is terrified that I will freeze to death when my car runs off the road, I had an afghan she had made in the back seat. Although I managed to cover myself with said afghan, we soon we had some tangy smelling vomit aromatomatising the car. Finally I was able to pull off the toll road at Gary at the same exit where the Gary semi-pro baseball team, the Railcats, have their stadium. I sat in the vast empty stadium parking lot while in the distance the Railcats, wearing their nostalgic uniforms, boarded their buses which then pulled away like they were in some Norman Rockwell picture. I watched this bucolic spectacle, leaned out of the car, and threw up again. I took a good look around, and noted that there did not appear to be any human activity going on in the surrounding environs. I got out of the car, opened the trunk, and changed out of the vomit soaked apparel into clean clothes while standing outside the car in full view of anybody who might be in the vicinity. Of course, no one was. For the first time I felt grateful for the post-industrial desolation of Gary.
VOMIT ON THE BIG SCREEN
Emetophobia: Fear of vomit and vomiting. Personally I don't like to vomit, but surrendering to the vagaries of my digestive system, I do it more than the average person, I believe. Nevertheless, there have been landmarks in my relationship with vomit, which I will reveal here.
LANDMARK VOMIT EXPERIENCE ONE: If you've ever used the Chicago Transit Authority, or indeed most public transit, you will be familiar with a common seating configuration. You're next to the window, and a person you've never set eyes on before is sitting next to you on the aisle. I can't tell you how many times I contemplated with dread the idea that the person boxing me in next to the window might start vomiting and I would be trapped against the window by vomit and vomiter. One night I was on the El sitting next to a drunk Loyola student. Luckily we were sitting in the seats facing the aisle, so I wasn't really trapped. Suddenly the student leaned forward and started puking. "It's happening! It's finally happening," I thought, paralysed by the portentousness of the moment. One of the vomiter's drunk friends fortunately broke into my reverie, "Ma'am, you better get up." I hopped up from my seat and happily reflected on the idea that my worst fear had been realized and I had survived. But wait! More to come.
VOMIT ON THE BIG SCREEN
Osaka Tough Guys - Dir: Takeshi Miike - Theme: Regurgitation Kung Fu - Vomiters: Yoshiyuki Omori & Kentaro Nakakuro
LANDMARK VOMIT EXPERIENCE TWO: My friend Tom and I went to the opera. Before the show, we ate at a vegetarian Korean restaurant where I consumed a large and tasty bowl of kim chee fried rice. The opera was The Good Soldier Schweik, written by a Czech composer named Robert Kurka. It didn't take long for me to get pretty annoyed by the opera. Here we had the tedious theme of the person who seems to be crazy, whereas time shows that he is the only sane person around. As someone who has spent more than my share of time in mental hospitals, I have not found this to be a common occurrence and it bothers me in fiction. Anyway, I was getting more and more irritated during this performance, and feeling worse and worse. At intermission I had to tell Tom that I was heading out and didn't feel well. The minute I exited the theater, I felt an overwhelming desire to vomit. Again, I had that primal fear of a long and dreadfully anticipated moment. "It's happening! I'm going to throw up right in the gutter! Everyone will think I'm some pathetic middle aged drunk!" Searching for an escape from the public eye, I staggered off down an alley. Bizarrely, there was some kind of lighting system going that caused lights to light up whenever someone wandered into a dark area. Since I couldn't find a dark space where I could throw up in peace I had to get in the car and drive home to do it in private.
VOMIT ON THE BIG SCREEN
Trainspotting - Dir: Danny Boyle - Theme: Junkie's Lament - Vomiter: Ewan McGregor
WARNING: THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTING PART OF THIS BLOG!
LANDMARK VOMIT EXPERIENCE THREE: I was driving on the Indiana Toll Road to Michigan on a Sunday to see my mother. I was in a not infrequent state of queasiness, so had not consumed anything all day except apple juice. Suddenly I felt the need to vomit! No place to pull over, no place to exit. This was a situation so weird I hadn't even been able to conjure it up in advance to worry that it might happen. While driving at at least 55 MPH I started throwing up with no way to stop or exit. Since my mom is terrified that I will freeze to death when my car runs off the road, I had an afghan she had made in the back seat. Although I managed to cover myself with said afghan, we soon we had some tangy smelling vomit aromatomatising the car. Finally I was able to pull off the toll road at Gary at the same exit where the Gary semi-pro baseball team, the Railcats, have their stadium. I sat in the vast empty stadium parking lot while in the distance the Railcats, wearing their nostalgic uniforms, boarded their buses which then pulled away like they were in some Norman Rockwell picture. I watched this bucolic spectacle, leaned out of the car, and threw up again. I took a good look around, and noted that there did not appear to be any human activity going on in the surrounding environs. I got out of the car, opened the trunk, and changed out of the vomit soaked apparel into clean clothes while standing outside the car in full view of anybody who might be in the vicinity. Of course, no one was. For the first time I felt grateful for the post-industrial desolation of Gary.
VOMIT ON THE BIG SCREEN
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - Dir: Terry Gilliam - Theme: Over eating? - Vomiter: Terry Jones
AND ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!
posted by The Lurker at
3:25 PM
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