Let's All Take Off Our Pants!

Soon after I moved to Chicago, I was on the bus with my Vietnamese boyfriend when an African-American lady boarded, conspicuously carrying her Bible, and began to preach to the other passengers. Her main topic was the sinfulness of women wearing trousers, and she frequently interjected her sermon with the plea: "Ladies! Take off those pants!" The boyfriend, who often found Western culture indescribably hilarious (he was also very amused by yarmulkes and haggis) could barely contain himself, and I was sorely tempted to remove my pants on the spot! Evidently some arty New Yorkers recently took off their pants on the subway, and you can see videos of this on You-Tube. Look under "no pants."

Sunday I was on the train going downtown to take my friend Gordon to see Avatar for his birthday (if you're going to see it, make sure it's in 3D or I-max). I got on with a couple of Chinese youths who stood in front of the subway map and compared it to their guide book. "From the youth hostel," I thought. The next stop was Granville, and when we stopped on the platform, there was a huge crowd of 20 somethings who began cheering and jumping up and down prior to entering the train. I really couldn't think of any reason why there should be such an enthusiastic crowd in that place at that time, but vaguely thought they might be from the youth hostel, and wondered why the Chinese guys weren't with them.

Well, low and behold, at the next stop several of them removed their pants and exited the train, much like the New Yorkers of You-Tube fame. At each stop, a few more people took off their trousers and got off the train. (A few of the girls had really bad cellulite.) I figured they all planned to get on the next train, which would progressively fill with unpanted young people, and maybe we can see it on You-Tube soon. Those two Chinese guys sure got their money's worth for that train ride!

Anyway, there was another African-American lady on the train, wearing a fur hat, who was highly agitated by the antics of these young people. She began railing loudly at them, opining about their mental health, predicting their deaths by freezing, and threatening to call the police on them. The woman next to me actually urged her to calm down, warning "You're going to give yourself a heart attack." When all the pants-removing folks finally exited the train, the indignant lady extricated an old fashioned transistor radio from her baggage, and turned it on full blast to some radio station playing music that sounded like the sound-track to a porn movie. I had to put my earplugs in, it was so distracting.